In Which I Notice an Inconsistency in my Professed Beliefs and Real Life Reactions and Get to Refine my Mental Model

CN: foul language, body image, dating, salary negotiations, metaphors, Too Much Capitalization

I think it is totally Hip and With-It when people level up their looks or social skills in order to have better luck with potential romantic partners. Look at how awesome people are being with setting goals and then figuring out appropriate sub-goals and achieving shit! You go, girl (or guy, or pronoun-of-choice)!

In the same vein, I think it’s… sub-optimal… when people who have a professed goal of getting into a relationship(s) refuse to make simple changes to their general presentation because (in a whiny voice) “I want people to like me for meeeeee!”. That’s all well and good, but perhaps upping your personal grooming regimen might make getting to know you a little easier. Perhaps not mentioning sex in every section of your OKC profile might scare away less people.

And then a friend helpfully suggested to me that I should lose weight in order to be more attractive to my preferred dating pool.

Which I had exactly two responses to. Firstly, I thought they were Kind Of A Jackass. And secondly my Inner Sophie was screaming “But I want guys to like me for meeeeee”.  Inner Sophie is a whiny ass bitch. So I thought about this Inconsistency Conundrum, and it boils down to this:

Everyone knows that employers need to offer a high enough salary to attract good employees. A potential employee that would be super passionate about Job X, still probably won’t take it if it only pays $10k. But it’s not-quite-as-obvious that employees also shouldn’t offer TOO high of a salary. A potential employee who really isn’t interested or passionate about Job X at all would still probably accept it for a salary of $200k. You want to offer a salary that your employees are very happy with, but isn’t so high as to attract non-compatibles.*

Or, to de-metaphorize for you, it’s best to have relationships with people who think you’re a really Awesome Person AND are happy with your General Looks. If you over-optimize your General Looks/Social Abilities then you’ll attract people are mainly interested in you for that factor and not-that-into-you as an Awesome Person. If you under-optimize your General Looks/Social Abilities then even if people think you’re an Awesome Person, you might have trouble finding equally awesome dates.

*Obligatory Source Attribution: The introspection that lead to these thoughts are mine, but the salary metaphor is totally my roomie’s. I was explaining my ideas on the topic and he was like “Oh! You mean like salary offers!” and I was like “OMG YES!” (after he explained what he meant)


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